May 2013
13 posts
If you read between the lines this is what you...
I’m fairly certain this is a “goodbye forever” because I’ve finally realized you aren’t a fantastic person and will probably never be that person again. It’s not that I can’t handle being friends because I want more. It’s not that I’m angry at you for rejecting me. It’s that in this two month period (probably closer to five months?),...
Fucking hell
I really really wish I could just be like Taylor and be feeling relieved every time I hear your name or see you and remember things are over
Because we all know how ecstatic you are
Fuck when will it end because I am so fucking pissed all the fucking time and it should fucking stop
I'm staring at the ceiling, thinking about the...
thesistothesong:
I loved your flaws.
Goodnight
I love you
But I’m not going to say it
OH WOOPS
lulz jk
I don’t even know at this point
All I know is I don’t want to gov
And I do want my Forever 21 stuff to get here
And I do want graduation parties because I want to give all the presents
I am upset and harping on this because
I do not understand why anyone would ever throw away someone who is fighting so hard to solve a problem or save something.
I know I don’t tend to be an optimistic person, but if anyone ever has this much faith and belief in me, I pray that I won’t push them to the curb.
Y’know why nothing changed the last time my parents found out? Because we knew it didn’t matter. It...
I don't know if this ever happens to you guys but...
I think of a response or what I want to say way too late
So here are a few of them from the past week or so
“Publicly flirting with other girls or making jokes about that could be considered back handing me when I’m down.”
“Well it’s a good thing I don’t have to drive you anywhere anymore, now isn’t it?”
“Yes clearly I believe the fact that...
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I have this unfortunate knack for remembering dates
May 13th
May 24th
June 4th
June 5th
June 22nd
July 6th
November 24th
January 3rd
March 17th
March 23rd
March 28th
And they haunt me every day
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Most of the music I listen to came from you
I miss staying up talking until 2 AM
Since I post so much shit on here
I guess I should let it be known that I’m alright about all those things I ranted about now
If you’ve never had to explain to your mother why there’s a razor under your pillow, allow me to inform you that it is decently awkward.
Also, while mine did accept my “I found it and forgot to put it away” response, I do feel there is a quota on how often that can be used and the type of person who will fall for it.
“We’re not the norm for high school relationships.”
Well, apparently we were.
Delusions of happiness forever
Romanticized views of the future
Dropping the L word too much and too soon
So it would be kinda ridiculous and pathetic if two out of the three letters on here thus far were to the same person, so this one isn’t going to be a letter. Just a little rant.
Umm alright, yeah, acting like a total douchebag is TOTALLY cool. You’re telling me not to backhand you when you’re down? Well what the actual fuck do you think you’re doing? Using me because you...
To Anyone Struggling With Anything;
Hang in there just a little bit longer.
April 2013
10 posts
Dear Moose,
I’m really sorry for how ridiculous I am. (I think that’s the best way to start this off). I have been really up and down and hot and cold and sometimes that’s had a bit of an impact on you and sometimes it just drives me crazy. Everyone thinks I am an idiot for feeling the way I do, but to tell you the truth, I don’t know how I feel. I know things weren’t working. I...
Hi y'all I'm back kinda
With a new installment entitled “Letters I will never have the courage to send” I hear this is supposed to be therapeutic or something? But I guess I’m not planning to burn my laptop every time I write a letter so maybe it won’t work completely….oh well it’s worth a shot.
Temporary hiatus starting now.
There’s no reason any of the things I’ve been posting here can’t be posted on my other blog. If people are going to find it, they’re going to find it. I guess more people will find it on the other one but I’ve kinda hit rock bottom so why not at least provide some entertainment to strangers or those who dislike me.
I also think this blog has been too much of an...
Anonymous asked: I'm sorry he broke your heart like that. I hope you understand that you are pretty amazing a person. He's just a boy. You'll move on to bigger and better things soon.
Anonymous asked: Just to let you know, you are loved. Just because one stupid boy made you feel like like any less than the amazing person you are doesn't mean anything and while I know it really hurts, it does get better
Here comes an angry post: The words came to me...
justfivewords:
Every night, I fall asleep in love with you
But each morning, I wake up hating you.
There’s a little more to it than that. I wake up feeling empty and alone. Hurt and betrayed. I wake up more confused than I was the day before. Y’know what the problem is? I just can’t wrap my head around how all those feelings can disappear so fast. How do you go from loving someone to being...
Anonymous asked: It will. It does. Trust me. <3
[[MORE]]You were in practically every aspect of my life
There is literally nowhere I can turn or look without remembering something
When will this get easier?
Goodnight and sleep tight.
I will always love you.
I should prooooobably change my desktop background huh
Anonymous asked: Hun, from what you've described, this isn't just you seeking attention. Seeking attention would be like "omg my lyfe is so harddd pity me" but you're not doing that. You are actually struggling with depression and suicidal thoughts, every day. That's you being sick. And that's okay because of a lot of people are sick. And when you're sick, you need to see a...
Anonymous asked: Sara, my darling, you are beautiful and so much more. There is so much more. You are loved. I know that doesn't make it okay and it doesn't make the pain go away but maybe... maybe when you're in college.... maybe think about getting help. There's no shame in it, and you've been struggling for so long. You're so strong to be where you are, but I think that you may...
I just want to keep saying please but I know it’s not going to change anything and ohmygosh how could I have been so stupid I just want to fix this uo32iw;jrefksnhtu4ijow;eflskmdvx
March 2013
22 posts
I think this is the longest I’ve ever gone without eating. I’m pretty proud of myself man. Too bad I’m not fasting
Update: 30 hours man, booyah
But now I feel gross xD
Debating whether or not to switch over to this as...
I’m kinda nervous about posting anything on justfivewords because I just don’t want it to seem like or for me to subconsciously feel like I’m just trying to get attention or be all fake or something. But there are like a lot of really bad memories on this one too…. and some of the things I’ve said here are really stupid or twisted and I had an anon basically tell me...
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so, i actually did google this, and this came up:
no-escape-for-me:
Silver Butterflies PLOT TWIST
:0
Jane puts down the moleskin notebook and wipes away the tears that had escaped her bloodshot eyes. She gets off the bed and fumbles her way through the dark, finally making it downstairs. After rummaging through some cabinets, she finds a bottle of Lunesta, possibly too old to be consumed in any amount. She grabs a glass of water and begins downing the pills, losing count after the first...
I know it’s only been two days. I know I’m being stupid and ridiculous and a little irrational. But that’s what got me in this mess in the first place—me being stupid and irrational and rash. I just… I just don’t know what to do. And anything I do just makes it worse.
stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid...
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“Not everyone you love is going to leave you.”
I FEEL SO FAKE
It’s funny how many times I’ve publicly declared or silently told myself that “I’m done” this past year and a half.
It’s kinda embarrassing how many times I said it, without any real change following it.
And then I realized, the fact that I could/can never walk away speaks for how important, or real, or whatever other adjective, this is.
But then I wonder,...
I really need some Satellite right now
But all I can find is Say The Words and Ring The Bells
which I guess are oddly appropriate right now
“We build up dreams and then burn them down to the ground / We gotta find a way to love again”
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Today I learned:
1. I need validation from the people in my life who are important to me
2. I feel extremely insecure when I don’t get that validation
3. My self-esteem is shit
4. I can’t handle confrontation
I need to say the things I can't say
Please don’t hold any of this against me[[MORE]]
I can’t do this anymore. I’m not good at being the one who’s normal and okay. I can’t be that person. I am too inherently selfish and self-destructive to be that person. I can’t deal with conflict. I run away from problems. I cannot feel this way. I know walking away won’t change anything. I know staying...
[[MORE]]ha
ha
ha
that’s awk
mom’s talking about you know who’s wedding
lol wow can’t believe it’s been four years
totes thought I was gonna marry that guy
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May 13th, 2012
That’s all
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For someone who says he doesn’t like seeing me sad, you sure have been making me feel that way a lot lately
I hope things get better soon because I cannot keep risking everything and feeling guilty all the time for someone who doesn’t love me.
I don’t know what I’m doing
But it’s been about 4 days now
and I will keep saying it until you say otherwise
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I remember our cute conversations about wanting to cook for each other
Conversations where the most pressing matter was who was more amazing
I miss those
But I’m going to fight to get them back
Please oh please don’t let this heat-induced fatigue be the end.
February 2013
10 posts
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I thought I was doing okay and then I realized tomorrow’s the 24th
[[MORE]]It is taking so much of me to stay calm and rational right now.
Not even right now, more like the past two weeks. woitjsgkkiwoajsfldkm
I hate everything about living
Eating, thinking, socializing, hygiene.
The only thing I’m okay with is sleeping.
Why can’t I just do that for like ever
u84oteij;rgkdnfxkuieahrd
my stupid knitting pattern doesn’t even look right
ugh
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[[MORE]]It’s one of those sit-in-my-room-and-cry-until-my-head’s-going-to-explode type of days
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There was no smiling
And to me
That says there’s something wrong
